That was an embarrassing moment at the blacksmith’s shop. The first time I picked up a Smithing Stone 2: This Time It’s Personal, I assumed I’d picked up two Smithing Stones. What, is it the sequel to Smithing Stone 1? This is a communication issue.
THE ELDEN RING UPGRADE
We collect Runes rather than Souls, Crimson Tears instead of Estus, and to upgrade our weapons instead of Titanite Shards and Large Titanite Shards we collect Smithing Stones and Smithing Stone s. With the usual fussy bitch alteration of terminology. None of that Sekiro-brand piddling about with grappling hooks and stealth elements, this is mainline Dark Souls classic, meaning, you’re an immortal dude in a decaying medieval fantasy setting where all the dragons are dying of crotch rot, you’ve got a sword and a shield that spends more time in front of your face than your prescription spectacles, and if your spine doesn’t yet resemble a McDonalds logo then you haven’t dodge rolled enough. Like everyone’s taken the Manus: Father of the Abyss correspondence course and grafted on at least one extraneous limb. Seems like a lot of the early bosses fall back on what my schoolyard chums used to very inappropriately call “spazzing the fuck out”, and whale on you too fast for you to react or keep your guard up.
THE ELDEN RING SOFTWARE
And I swear ever since we all figured out the “roll behind them when they attack and stab them in the bum” cheat code From Software have been upping the bullshit difficulty with every new game. Look, I’ve been getting run over by the Souls train for years. Is it Yahtz? Well, hold on while I run cold water over the blisters that searing insight gave me. A little later that vow kinda fell by the wayside because chiefly what I remembered of the prior two hours was getting mashed into farmhouse chutney by a dude that looked like an owl pellet got rogered by a semi truck. And characteristically light on overt storytelling, but this time I told myself I was gonna really concentrate on parsing the dialogue and item descriptions and figure this shit out up front. Yes, it’s a From Software Soulsy game, and therefore good. Very droll, Yahtz, now tell us if this fucking game’s any good so I can decide if I’m taking this gun out of my mouth.
I’ve had a lot of trouble with Elden Ring, but my doctor tells me it’s perfectly natural for my age and I should add more fibre to my diet. We have a merch store as well! Visit the store for brand new ZP merch. Want to watch Zero Punctuation ad-free? Sign-up for The Escapist + today and support your favorite content creators! Yahtz has reviewed some other major games lately too, so be sure to give titles like Pokémon Legends: Arceus, Dying Light 2, and Five Nights at Freddy’s: Security Breach a watch as well. In addition to multiplayer, where you can directly connect with other players and travel together, the game supports a unique asynchronous online element that allows you to feel the presence of others.This week in Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee reviews Elden Ring.
In addition to customizing the appearance of your character, you can freely combine the weapons, armor, and magic that you equip. As you explore, the joy of discovering unknown and overwhelming threats await you, leading to a high sense of accomplishment. Rise, Tarnished, and be guided by grace to brandish the power of the Elden Ring and become an Elden Lord in the Lands Between.Ī vast world where open fields with a variety of situations and huge dungeons with complex and three-dimensional designs are seamlessly connected. *The player can also obtain this later in the game. This is a gesture that can be used in-game. Pre-order now and get the following content as a bonus:Ĭontains useful information for the player's adventures in the Lands Between.